Nov 18, 2009

TARGETS: 11/18/09

Sit back, relax and pass the bitchy pills, because I've got a trio of celebrity outfits that I've no choice but to ransack ...

Target 1: Beth Ditto, singer, The Gossip

Honestly, this is so heinous, I don't even know if I want it on the blog, but I just can't resist. The hair color + the dress = fire station. Sound the alarm, because this ensemble needs to be extinguished immediately. Or, if you've had enough of the metaphors, just freakin' burn the thing.

And the hair. So you're a singer for a successful, moderately well-known rock band. I get the whole rebellious "I want to make a statement, I'm tired of being kept down by The Man, ya'll don' know me" thing. Many teenagers do, too. Let me guess: You had to fight with some of them over the last bottle of Manic Panic?

I'm not sure what the belt adds to the outfit; the intricate buckle adds even more to an already over-the-top house of horrors.

Beth, honey, have you ever heard the saying, "I feel as big as a house?" Um, that's not a look you want to actually
strive for.

Target 2: Whitney Port, star of ... actr... no, that's not it ... um, what exactly does Whitney do again?

OK, sooo .... the, er,
lovely look that Whitney's sporting in this candid pic from CocoPerez is apparently in vogue at the moment: oversized long sweater/potato sack + hideously tight leggings that leave precious little to the imagination. Ladies, please - leave it. No, leave more.

First of all, who proclaimed that leggings will now and forever adequately take the place of pants? I mean, sure, under a dress or skirt and with boots, fine. For extra warmth during those long winter nights in the Alaskan wilderness, of course. But as pants? Consider this: Would you wear
tights out in public sans bottoms? (Let's not even talk about patterned leggings, let alone jungle print patterned leggings. Wait, let's.)

According to recent reports, Whitney, you've actually garnered a decent amount of media attention (mostly from such notable websites as and After careful calculations, I've decided that unless you're
really bad with finances, you have money enough to buy things that are, say, not hideous. GO TO BLOOMINGDALE'S, GIRL! Why, why, WHY would you even take a second LOOK at those hideous things? If the leggings were simply plain black, I'd still have a gripe about the tightness factor, but the, um, orange (?) jungle/floral pattern belongs on a bedspread in an apartment in an adult community in Boca.

Target 3: Leighton Meester, actress, "Gossip Girl"

Ok, so I need to know WTF happened at the American Eagle Outfitters Times Square Grand Opening event. Ashlee Simpson, who donned pale skin, jet-black hair and an outfit to match, looked like she should start chanting, "Boil, boil, toil and trouble." And now this?

First of all, let's face it: neither of these actresses wear clothes from American Eagle. The brand is preppy, blah, and geared toward teenagers with no sense of personal style. It's sort of like the poor man's A&F. I'll keep what I suspect are catty comments re: Ashlee's fashion choices to myself, since at least she's consistent; however, Leighton CAN look fabulous, so I'm dumbfounded by this dominatrix-gone-wrong monstrosity.

And the shoes. Shoes are great in general, but I doubt that the most beautiful pair in the world could've saved this getup. However, somehow, Leighton has defied the laws of nature by making the situation even WORSE by slipping on a pair of ... mules? I mean, do you really want to wear something called a "mule?" Is this a word that YOU want to be associated with? (Then again, do you want to associated with the word "pumps" either?)

That leaves us with the plunging neckline (and the matching black band-aid stretching across it); if you stare at it long enough, it sort of becomes an optical illusion and just looks like a giant "V," which makes me think about the movie "V for Vendetta." All she needs is the "V-mask" - ah, perfect. Now at least she can claim it wasn't her.

I'm not even going to mention the makeup, 'cuz that would just be straight-up bitchy. I mean, you can change your clothes, but man, that's her face.

To look on the bright side, L's hair looks nice wavy and tousled!

KEEP SCROLLING DOWN FOR AN A+ CELEBRITY LOOK. 'Cause it's all about balance, people, balance.

Michelle Trachtenberg, FLAWLESS! Who cares what event she was attending, really. Love the jacket, love the bright burst of aqua and the texture of the top. The necklace, the eye makeup - this look is absolutely made of fashion win. She's even got that perfect ponytail that I will NEVER be able to acheive without the help of a personal stylist and several additional lackeys. Just perfect! Ahhh. I feel so much better now, don't you?

peas out-
your faithful Fashole,


  1. I have been hating on the leggings recently, myself. There are countless 1Ls wandering around my law school wearing those things with regular old t-shirts and other such short tops. I do not want to see your cottage cheese bouncing around, nor do I need to know what your knees look like in the winter thanks.

    Can I also express my dislike for Uggs with leggings and short shirts? Or Uggs with skirts. Yeah. Write one about that.

  2. She's a brick...HOUSE.

    I like Michelle Trachtenberg, whenever I see her interviewed she sounds like a normal person. Pete and Pete must be way jealous of her success; I, like you, am jealous of her ponytail. What material is this jacket, though? I hope it's a jacket, and not a sweater, because it kind of looks like I sweater and that would just be wrong. I'm willing to give Michelle the benefit of the doubt, though.

    I love leggings, Uggs, and I love them together; it's all about playing with proportion. However, patterned leggings are a no. As are leggings with lace on the bottom, they remind me of elementary school. Also, Whitney's outfit doesn't make sense, ugly leggings aside. Where is Lauren Conrad on this?